English 252
Instructor: Ms. Young-Manning
Insight through a Crisis
Life works in mysterious ways. One moment a person can be blessed with something, and the next thing one knows it can be taken away. There will be no warning sign or anything, just a sudden shock. Unfortunately, June 25, 2015, and October 8, 2015, were two of the worst days of my life. They were the days I found out both my unborn babies did not make it through a full term pregnancy. I had two miscarriages. My Obstetrician (OBGYN) did not tell me why both babies did not make it. Instead he told me, according to the medical books, it is normal for two out of every five pregnancies to not make it full term. If I were to get pregnant a third time and had another miscarriage, then they would run tests to see why I cannot carry a baby to full term. I was left with a lot of unanswered questions.
May 18, 2015, was the day I found out about my first baby. I had seen its movement on the sonogram. I was only four weeks so I had to wait to hear its little heartbeat. I was scared and filled with joy at the same time. I could not believe I was going to be a mom, and in a few months, I would have a mini-me running around. My family was excited for me, as well as my boyfriend. Sadly our excitement ended on June 25, 2015, at my 10-week checkup, when the doctor did not see my baby moving on the sonogram. He listened for the heartbeat and heard nothing. There were three doctors’ that did ultrasounds on me that day, and all three doctors’ results were the same. When they told me the news, I broke down. It was the worst pain I had ever felt.
Three months later on September 9, 2015, my OBGYN wanted to do an ultrasound to check on my uterus to make sure it had gone back to its normal size. When he started the ultrasound, we were all surprised. There was a six-week fetus growing inside of me. I was pregnant again. This was definitely a shock to my boyfriend and me. I was terrified to do anything because I did not want to risk a chance of losing another baby. Although I did everything in my power to ensure I would have a healthy pregnancy, on October 8, 2015, my doctors did not see or hear a heartbeat at my eight-week checkup. I already knew the news they were about to give me. Before my OBGYN had called me in to his office, I took off running from the building. I did not want to believe I had lost another baby.
It took me a while to get through both my miscarriages. But with my family’s love and support they helped me get back on feet and realize that no matter what happens, they will always be my backbone. My OBGYN’s wife wrote me a letter stating how before her three sons were born, she had also suffered two miscarriages. It felt somewhat good knowing I was not the only one who had two miscarriages in a row. Besides that, nothing anyone could say or do that could make me feel better. Depression had hit me really hard.
Even though it has been several months since I lost both my babies, I am not completely over both my miscarriages. But I am getting through it day by day. I am sure that one day, I will have another baby that will be perfect and healthy in every way. For now, I am going to continue to go to school to ensure my little one will have everything he or she needs when the time comes. Losing two babies within the same year really gave me a different outlook on life. It has taught me to appreciate what I have at the moment because at any given time or moment in a blink of an eye it can all be taken away.