English 1A
Instructor: Mr. Barile
Why Am I Here?
Why am I here? What did I do to deserve this? Every step I take hurts, every muscle, and every joint. I honestly cannot remember how many operations there have been. I stopped counting at 45. When will that number stop growing? Will it ever? Hopefully this surgery will take away my pain.
I arrived in Sacramento around 5 a.m. After checking in at the hospital, I was taken upstairs while Angela, my wife, waited in the waiting room. I had had the same operation six years before, so I knew the procedure.
The nurse came over to start my intravenous (I.V.) line. I said, “Good luck.” When you have had as many operations as I have, veins are hard to find. Add in the fact that I couldn't eat or drink, and the job became much harder. "Don't worry,” she said, “I'm a professional." After she poked me five times, she hit a vein. "See, I told you I could do it!" she said proudly.
Angela was finally allowed to sit with me before the operation. Doctor after doctor came to see me. Even staff that didn't have anything to do with my surgery came over. I was the talk of the operating room. "Oh, you’re Eddie. You’re the one having the 17-hour surgery with Dr. Matthews?"
“Yes, that is me.”
Dr. Matthews finally showed up. My surgery had been delayed a day because they couldn't get an operating room open for 17 hours. Dr. Matthews said it was a good thing. He was able to get a full night’s rest. I love Dr. Matthews. He is a USAF Veteran, just like my two dads.
Dr. Matthews scribbled on my back, took a few pictures with me, and then he went to the operating room leaving Angela and I to hug, kiss and say, “See you soon.” I felt bad for Angela. I had it easy. I would get to sleep for 17 hours, while she had to sit there, and worry.
My anesthesiologist showed up and told me it was time to go. He gave me some drugs that were supposed to relax me. The drugs burned my arm. "Well, that's not right!" said the anesthesiologist. “Your I.V. must not be in right.” Trust me, I'm a professional, she’d said.
The anesthesiologist told me not to worry as I kissed Angela. He pushed me through the first set of doors. We then took a sharp turn to the left. The third operating room on the left was for me. It was the third operation I had had in that room.
They transferred me to the operating table. The young anesthesiologist told the older one the I.V. wasn't in. All of a sudden they both rushed to get an I.V. in. Poke after poke, it didn't work. Now I was scared. What did I do? Why am I here? I don't need to walk. Let me go home. These thoughts ran through my mind. "I finally got it!" the young anesthesiologist said. He was wrong. They finally just used the main artery in my arm.
Thoughts kept rushing through my head. I wanted to run out of there as fast as I could, or as fast as I could roll. But I couldn't leave—I needed to walk. I needed to be the man of the house. I needed to support my wife. Hopefully I could be a plumber again. I hated being a burden on Angela.
There are days when the pain is so intense I can't even walk to the bathroom. Angela didn't deserve this. When she married me, I was a plumber in Local 38, the San Francisco Pipefitters and Plumbers Union. Even working with pain, I was one of the top plumbers. Unfortunately, now the pain was so intense that I couldn't do the work any longer. I've been remodeling my house for five years. My pain was causing the delay. I'm a man. I'm a man who works on his own house. I can't let another man fix my house. That is why I had the surgery. To be a man again. To be a husband.
Dr. Matthews came into the operating room. He smiled in my direction. "Are you ready? Let's do this!” I'd say there were at least 30 other people in the room. Dr. Matthews started talking to others about screw sizes. “Did we have them all? No, not that size, this size. Great, do we have this size bar? Perfect.”
"Today our patient is Hendrik Block, a 39-year-old male with Spinal Bifida, Scoliosis and other Birth Defects. We last fused his spine in 2009. Today we're going to fuse his spine from his pelvis to T2.”
Holy crap, it's time. Let me go. I want to go home. I tried to crack jokes while Dr. Matthews was going over my life story. I wanted to make them laugh. No, I wanted to make myself laugh, so I would stop freaking out. I can't let Angela down. I can't let my family and friends down. I'm not ready to go see my mom and dad in heaven yet. I have a lot to do. I need to save some Veterans. I can't die. I won’t die. I can do it.
Finally, the I.V. worked. I started to calm down. I got really cold. I was shivering. Maybe, I was scared. The nurse put a warm blanket on me. “Hendrik, just relax. We're going to give you something to help you sleep.” I got sleepy. Here came the mask. The gas was nasty. I remember as a kid, they would tell me that they would add a strawberry scent to the gas. You couldn't add enough strawberry scent to get that taste out of my mouth. It was awful. Finally, I fell into a deep sleep.
I couldn’t breathe. I was choking. What the hell is in my mouth? I tried to pull the tubes from my throat. A nurse came running over and removed the breathing tube. I'm alive.
"Calm down, Mr. Block. In just a few minutes we will get your wife.” Finally, Angela was by my side. I was no longer alone. She's crying with joy. I couldn’t yet talk, but I kept trying to ask her if I could move my feet.
Holy shit, I can move my leg. Wait, what leg is that? It was my left leg. The one I could already move. Move the right one. Hell yes, it moved. Look, I can move my right leg. I can move it! Dr. Matthews came by and had me move my legs. He was impressed. Then he talked with me for a little bit.
Wow, I learned I was in surgery for only nine hours. Not bad. Dr. Matthews was surprised I could move my right leg, but he was even happier that I wasn't paralyzed any longer. "It wasn't easy by any means, but we were able to fuse your spine together. Everything went well."
Twelve hours later my physical therapist came to see me. "Okay, Hendrik. Are you ready to get out of bed and walk?" All I wanted was for Angela to video tape me walking. I wanted to show the world I did it, and I could walk again. I took only a few steps that morning. My physical therapist said he would be back later, so we could walk more. Later on that day, I walked ten steps. The next day I walked to the nurse’s station.
My second night in the hospital I got in trouble for roaming the halls. I told the nurse "Hey, I'm bored!" She made me go back to bed and took my walker away. When my dinner came, I asked if I could sit in the chair. The nurse set me up in the chair, and I ate a decent meal. They shouldn't have given me a dinner tray with wheels. I used it as a walker. The nurse caught me by the elevator and yelled at me to get back to bed.
It was around 2 a.m. when Dr. Matthews walked in. “Shhhhhh,” he said. "I came this late so my other patients wouldn't harass me. I came just to see you." Dr. Matthews is the top Spinal Surgeon for Kaiser Hospital. Everyone wanted to see him. Even I saw him only on rare occasions.
"Okay, can you move your left leg?”
“Sure I can. See, I did it.”
“How about the right?” A huge smile came across Dr. Matthews face. "Look, you can move your right leg. I didn't want to get your hopes up, but we kept moving your nerves around until we got a signal in your right leg! There is a machine that electrifies certain nerves to make sure the nerve is still good. That is how they know if there is a paralysis. This is why I made a special trip to see you. Eddie, you did it. You’re amazing!" he told me.
"No, you are,” I said.
On my third day after the surgery, my physical therapist asked me to climb stairs. I did it. I couldn’t wait to show Angela. She was on her way up to visit me. One of my doctors came to see me and show me my X-rays. "Well, Mr. Block, you have hit all of your targets. I hear today you climbed the stairs. I'm not forcing you, but if you like, you can go home." Thank goodness. I had been told I'd be there for weeks.
"Angela, when you get here, don't bring anything, just pick my ass up! I'm being released!" I was glad to go home.
It's now March, and I can walk only as far as I did before. Some days the pain is much worse than before. Some days my left leg works and has feeling, and then the next day it's in my right leg. I guess I'm just meant to use one leg. I'm still hoping it will get better, but for now, I'm sticking with my wheelchair.