English 125
Instructor: Ms. Young-Manning
College, What is it Worth?
I grew up the youngest of five children. My father was a very strict, old fashioned Mexican man. My mom always worked but only because she financially needed to; otherwise she’d be home raising us full time. My parents’ relationship was very traditional in the sense that Dad made all the decisions and Mom just followed along. I have two brothers and two sisters. Being raised by an old-fashioned Mexican man was very hard at times. My father would always say things like, “As women, you have to learn to do everything for your husbands.” I always felt growing up that it wasn’t just the traditions of his heritage, but that my father actually did not respect women at all.
My two brothers were very spoiled and hardly had any chores at all to do. My father always took care of the yard, and my mom, sisters, and I would be responsible for the inside household chores. I remember asking once, “Dad, why does Mom have to do things if she works full time?”
He yelled back, “Don’t ever question what your mom should and shouldn’t do around here!”
As I was still confused, I asked, “Okay Dad, then why do your sons not help you with the yard work?”
Dad angrily replied, “As men, they need to eventually support their families and need to get good jobs, so they need to stay focused on their education.”
My father never really kept track of our academics and to what our status was in school. He’d always just see it as elementary, junior high, high school, then of course college. Being a low income family, it was easy for all of us to get approved for financial aid and we all worked as well while we were in school to help support the family’s needs and possible needs for college as well. Dad allowed my sisters and me to attend college because to him it was just the next step in life since we weren’t married yet.
During this time, I was a sophomore in high school, three of my older siblings were in college, and my brother Eric, who was just a year and a half older than I was, was a senior in high school. Both my sisters ended up graduating from Fresno State. My eldest brother Emilio had dropped out his sophomore year to get married and get a full time job. I couldn’t help but replay in my head Dad’s words, “As men, they need to eventually support their families and need to get good jobs, so they need to stay focused on their education.”
When Emilio dropped out of Fresno State, it wasn’t as big of a deal as everyone thought it would be to my dad. Emilio was hired at Pepsi and was promised a Supervisory position within a year of employment. Along with his continued success with the Pepsi Company, he and his wife later opened their own tax/bookkeeping company. My brother has always been very much involved in the company, and I can proudly say all of their clients are thanks to my brother’s sales experience he received over the years with Pepsi.
Very similar to the story written by Sandra Cisneros, “Only Daughter,” being deemed at times as “irrelevant” because we are women can make it difficult to eventually gain the respect of our fathers. It’s always been hard to convince men that have these beliefs that women are and can be important people to our community.
My sister Norma graduated from Fresno State with her Bachelor’s Degree in Business Management. It was difficult for her to find a good paying job for years. While in college, she met her now husband and he was already a full time teacher at Sanger High School. They got married and began having children. Needless to say, my sister never really entered the workforce and utilized her degree. Norma never felt it was a wasted education because she never heard otherwise from my parents. When this happened I was disappointed to imagine what was going through my father’s mind again, proving his theory of women needing to do the traditional women’s duties and men being definitely those who were educated and supported their families.
Yolanda, who is my other sister, also graduated from Fresno State but with a Bachelor’s Degree in Accounting and later received her CPA License as well. Since her early high school years, she had worked at Kmart. She gradually climbed the ladder there and eventually became Human Resources Manager for the Rancho Cucamonga location. Year after year she continued to be promoted and eventually became the Regional Vice President to Sears Corporation. When Yolanda continued to move up in her career, I became more and more proud and hoped that maybe she would break my dad’s belief system that women didn’t really need to attend college, only men to support the family, and she’d earn his respect.
My dad had always been a very private person and would never easily express his feelings. He became very ill very quickly. Once his illness began to progress, he’d ask us to come visit more often. One Thanksgiving, we were all gathered in my home. My dad would always be the one to carve the turkey and say grace. I will always remember this Thanksgiving as if it were yesterday. He turned to my sisters and apologized to them for doubting their intelligence and success in completing their schooling. He spoke quietly, “I have never been more proud to have you three girls as my children.” We all began to cry, as my sister Yolanda said, “Dad, all we have done is thanks to you and Mom.”
Dad had been sick for some time before. When dinner was over, he began to talk to all of us in detail about our lives. Throughout these conversations, my siblings and I kept circling the room glancing at each other. Years later, our mom told us that he would speak to his relatives with such pride, as he’d share with them his children’s accomplishments.
When dad passed, he had left a cassette tape with warm endearing words to each one of us including our spouses, sharing things with us that we had no idea he felt. He told us how proud of us he was and how he should have shown it to us equally. Cisneros’ father eventually showed his pride at his daughter’s writing accomplishments when he said, “Where can we get more copies of this for the relatives?” (114). This attitude was very similar to how my father’s attitude was, but we didn’t always know it. Our mom told us later that he would chat for hours with his family about our careers and schooling accomplishments.
After that dinner I was left with the determination, “I have to finish school.” After high school, I attended Fresno City College for a year and a half. I also dropped out because I got married and began my family. Here I am today, my third attempt in completing college, trying to not only make my dad proud even after his death but to make a great example to my four boys.
Works Cited
Cisneros, Sandra. "Only Daughter." Patterns for College Writing: A Rhetorical Reader and Guide. 12 ed. Ed. Laurie G. Kirszner and Stephen R. Mandell. Boston: Bedford, 2012. 111-115. Print.