English 125
A Forbidden Love: A Mistake or a Blessing in Disguise
It started off as just a brother and sister relationship, but it became much more than that. My heart knew it would never get a chance, but it still held onto a glimpse of hope. My heart kept tossing the question back and forth; “Could it really become something more, or should I just tuck these feelings away and forget about this whole idea?” Nevertheless, my stubborn corazon decided it wouldn’t hurt to dream.
When I was about twelve years old, I met Zachariah Anderson, the young man that would change my life. I vividly remember meeting this charming, handsome, sandy-eyed, fiery, full of life, young man. Many people wouldn’t agree with the way I described him, but like the saying goes, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” At a camp meeting, I had the chance to meet him, and the moment I saw him I felt Air-Force One had landed in my stomach. The very first thing that caught my attention was his engrossing smile! Every time he smiled, it just made me want to smile too; it was contagious. After we met and introduced ourselves, I remember us just casually talking here and there. I was very shy at the time. I had just gotten into church, and to top it off, I hardly knew anybody, except my sister. Therefore, I kept my distance.
It was the summer of 2009 when our friendship began. I had come out of my shell, and it seemed like the walls and the barriers that were holding me back were falling down and we connected like two peas in a pod. At that point he became like my big brother, one I always dreamed and wished for, because it seemed like he was always looking out for me. We talked about everything it seemed like; therefore, I admit the closer we got, the more I could feel something develop inside. I wasn’t sure if it was admiration for him or if it was a crush.
A couple of months passed by before I came to my senses and realized that I was developing feelings for Zachariah. The moment awakened when he told me that he was going to start talking to a young lady named Annabella Brooks. She was an amazing, beautiful, serene, young lady with a sweet spirit. At first, it felt like I had gotten a kick in the stomach, but then I grew fond of her and forgot all about my feelings towards Zachariah. They went from talking to courting, and everything seemed like it was going smoothly. We all became very close friends and went everywhere with each other.
In the midst of all this happiness, there was an unexpected change. It was March of 2011, an icy, frigid Friday night to be exact, when both Annabella and Zachariah called their relationship off. They felt like at that moment in time, it was not the will of God for them to be together. I remember, even though Zachariah knew he was doing the right thing, it was really hard for him to accept it. In all this, I tried to be as much of a friend as possible. I would try to make him things, cook for him, buy him little items—anything really just to try to cheer him up. During this agonizing period of his life was the time that I can truly say that our friendship became stronger. We became closer than ever, to the point where he became my best friend.
As a result, we began to spend more time together at church. We would sit on the church steps or on the pews and would begin to talk about what was bothering or hurting us, and things that had an impact on us or that stood out to us during that day, week, or month. In fact, we seemed to have no secrets between us. For me, he was someone I could trust and lean on, and that I could count on when I needed something. I believe at this point my true feelings that I had for him began to rise.
Under these circumstances, I believe that I was so caught up with my feelings that I had developed for Zachariah that I blinded myself and began to see things that were not there. Little tasks that he would do for me and the things he would say, I misunderstood them for feelings that really weren’t there. In the back of my mind I knew his intentions were just for being my best friend, but I wanted to believe what my heart wanted to believe. I began to believe that he actually took an interest in me and that one day he would ask my pastor if he could begin to court me. I guess part of me didn’t want to ever lose him as my best friend, so it was easy to think of these possibilities. I also knew that our friendship would never go past that, just being friends, but if you know me, I love to dream and reach for the stars. What I didn’t expect was for life to take a turn so quickly and make me realize that these inclinations were right and I was dreaming.
To be brief, this past week I found out that Zachariah is going to begin to talk to a young lady named Paige. When I found out, my heart felt like it had been broken into pieces. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I am in love with him, but I will say that I absolutely like him. What hurts more is that I feel like I have lost my best friend forever; that is where the rubber meets the road my friend. In all of this, I can say that my only mistake was not to run it by God and ask Him if it was His will for me to like this young man. To many this might seem weird, but to me God should have the first say so in our lives; He is our father, and before Zachariah ever was my best friend, God was. On the other hand, the blessing in disguise was the lessons that I am learning from this whole situation. God places people in our lives for specific reasons, and many times if it wasn’t for those people, we wouldn’t be who we are today. Furthermore, I know I must always trust in God and let Him unfold my rose in my life, for only God can unfold the rose.