Above 1A level
Fear
A very good definition of fear is false evidence appearing real.
Fear is the destroyer of dreams and the author of wars.
Fear takes many shapes;
fear of failure,
fear of success,
fear of speaking in public
Fear is virtually endless.
Fear of the unknown kept me.
It kept me from coming back to school until the age of fifty-nine.
My fear was an enormous monster; it seemed very real.
I was a fifty-nine-year-old ex-drug addict and outlaw biker with tattoos and needle marks on my arms. In my mind, the image projected by my fear meant I was not going to be accepted by the students. They would see me as an intruder in the academic world. I was afraid I would not be able to do the work; I was afraid of everything. My self-image was in tatters; my self-esteem was about as low as it could get.
My first class was computer basics (OT1); it was during the summer session of 2011.The first day of school I was sitting in class feeling, scared, anxious, and self-conscious when in one sentence all my fears magnified. The teacher said, “I want each of you to turn to the person next to you and tell them something about yourself.” Oh my God! I wanted to bolt for the door. My heart was in my throat, my knees were weak, and my hands were trembling. I turned to the young person next to me and looked at her. Suddenly I realized by the look in her eyes that she was as scared as me. What a relief, we had something in common. I got through that assignment, that day, that week, that semester, facing the fear monster one day at a time. That was five semesters ago. I have made the dean’s list of honor students every semester, I am a paid tutor at the Extended Learning Center, and I will graduate at the end of next semester.
It was very hard taking that first step, getting through that first day, facing the monster that all my insecurities had become, but if I had not, they would have devoured me, and the person I am today would never have become. Today I dare to dream and I have faith that those dreams can come true. I still have fears, many of them, but they are not the monsters they used to be.
Fear came very close
to keeping me in the bondage of learned helplessness.
I stepped out on faith the size of a mustard seed,
and it was enough.